Setting My Weights and Sins Aside: Wrong Thinking

Last time I discussed realizing that I actually have weights and sins to lay aside.  Read that post here.

How do I handle these weaknesses?  These weights and sins that beset me?

Recognizing that they exist is the obvious first step.  Once I started seeing how many I had, my next struggle was feeling overwhelmed and defeated by them.  I really was miserable for a very long time.  It was hard for my over-achieving, perfectionist, prideful self to realize that I had limitations.  I equated all that doing to success.  Somewhere along the way, all that doing became my downfall.  I would sacrifice time, sleep, home responsibilities, etc. for the sake of looking like “Super Woman” on the outside.  It was making me crazy!  I really believed that the world might just fall apart if I did not do all of the things that I thought I needed to do, or the things that I was just sure was expected of me by others.  As it turns out, I have drastically changed what I do, and the world is still turning!  As a matter of fact, all those “people” that I was going to “let down” by not doing “whatever” haven’t said one word to me about anything---I don’t think anyone’s noticed – except for my family who is grateful the crazy woman that used to live here has moved on.  She does try to come back sometimes, but I do my best to quickly send her packing!!

I am in the process of reading Filling the Empty Places by Beneth Peters Jones.  (I actually bought this book several years ago, but I’m just now reading it.)  There is so much in there that pertains to me, but this jumped out at me the other day, “Self focus guarantees discomfort.”  So true!  Once, I quit focusing on me, I felt so much better! 

Through this period of constant misery, I would describe myself as overwhelmed, exhausted, and having too much to do.  Matt would always try to encourage me by telling me to just do one thing at a time.  (By the way, I am THE QUEEN of starting something then being distracted….and starting something else….and getting distracted…and doing something else….and never getting anywhere!) I work hard at trying to stay focused on the task at hand. 

I have applied this “one thing at a time” concept to my spiritual life, too.  As the Lord started to show me very clearly that I had a number of weights and sins to set aside, I was overwhelmed by them.  I wanted to fix everything wrong and do everything right, right then.  The over-achieving perfectionist strikes again!  I’m going to share these over several posts…that way, I’m not overwhelmed and neither are you.  J

What Am I Thinking?

I realized that many of my struggles were linked to wrong thinking.  I latched on to Philippians 4:8, Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Since one of my biggest struggles was imagining what others thought of me or expected of me, I began asking myself, Do I know this to be true?  Most of the time, the answer was NO.  It is amazing how much anxiety and fear can be avoided by first asking that question.  This practice has transformed my thinking.  I do it every day, multiple times a day.  I also began noticing how often scripture address the mind and thinking.  Hmmmm…..I feel I’m pretty safe in assuming that God knew this would be a common human struggle, and He was kind enough to give us instruction in this area.

What else does the Bible say?  Here are a few of my favorites:

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.  Isaiah 26:3

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.  Romans 12:2

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.  Phil 2:5

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Change is overwhelming, but not impossible.  When I focus on myself, it results in panic, anxiety, discouragement, fear.  I must actively keep my mind stayed on Him.  When I do….there is peace – even in difficult circumstances.  Remember, I can do all things through Christ.  That’s not just a cliché!

Until next time….

What's Weighing Me Down?

Recently, at our church’s Ladies’ Conference, I had the opportunity to share my testimony.  I had done this in the past, but it had been a while.  The other times that I had done this, I shared about how God had used specific situations to teach me something about Him.  This time was different.  I was not talking about some specific tragic circumstance.  I was just talking about real life.  Although we will all experience some sort of tragic or dramatic circumstance at some point, we encounter real life every day.  I shared some of the highlights of how I came to write this blog – but of course, there’s never enough time to go into everything.  Besides, who really wants to listen to me talk for hours? J

I have been humbled by the response that I received.  Ladies of all ages, with varying life circumstances have come to me saying things like, “That is exactly what I needed!”  “That is how I feel right now – overwhelmed with life.”  “I, too, struggle with dealing with ‘too much to do’.  How do you handle that?”  “I had no idea that someone was like me.”  “I didn’t know that about you!”

Well, let me tell you….I’m a work in progress, but I am so excited that God is able to help with all of the overwhelming circumstances of life. 

Since our conference, my mind has been reeling…I have so many thoughts swirling around in there!  I want to share what God is teaching me, but I want to do it a bit at a time.  Honestly, right now, I feel like I’m trying to drink water from a fire hydrant.  Hopefully, you will be able to follow my randomness and be encouraged.

The sin that weighs me down.

I try not to get so specific about circumstances because I never want anyone to say, “That’s not for me because my situation is different.”  God’s Word is for all of life.  We can learn from each other and have things in common with each other, even when our circumstances are not identical or even similar.

It struck me that in Hebrews 12:1, we are told to lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us.  Notice that no specific weight or sin is named.  It doesn’t even say, “If you have a weight or sin, just go ahead and set that aside.”  It says to lay aside every weight, and the sin….  We have weights and sins that beset us.  We just do.  We are all sinners, right?  Then we better be finding what it is that we need to lay aside!  What weighs me down?  Anxiety, Pressures of life – mostly self-imposed, Fear – of the unknown, of what others think, of failure; Pride – thinking that everything revolves around me.  That’s just the tip of the iceberg!

I’ll be honest.  For years, I read that verse and thought to myself, “I really can’t think of anything that weighs me down.  I don’t really have any besetting sins.”  I was crazy!!  (I know, some of you already knew that about me!)  REALLY??  No sins weighing me down? 

I couldn’t see that I was being weighed down at all.  After all, life was pretty good.  I generally had everything working out for me.  (When I think about this, I go all the way back to when I was in high school, because that really shaped how I approached life.)  I made good grades.  I was pretty good at sports and cheerleading.  I didn’t get into trouble.  I knew all the right answers.  I went off to college.  I had to work a little harder, but everything went along smoothly.  I met my husband within 24hrs of being on campus (of course, I had no idea that he was going to be my husband).  I graduated; got married a year later; got a corporate job and moved up quickly….life was humming right along.  I was handling life just fine.  Of course, God was there too, but I think I thought of Him more as “along for the ride” rather than my actual mode of transportation.

THEN…premature baby, juggling baby and working full-time, baby #2, now juggling 2 children and working full-time, began working part-time (took a HUGE cut in salary), now financial pressures are there that I didn’t have before, baby #3 (unexpected pregnancy, another premature delivery)…..these are just a few major highlights.  My point is this:  Difficult circumstances began to expose my weaknesses – my weights and besetting sins.  There is only so much that I can do on my own.  I am so much better off when I am totally dependent on God and His plan, rather than trying to handle it on my own.

How to handle these weaknesses?  These weights and sins that beset us?

Stay tuned…

Bless Your Gizzard!

If you are familiar with Beneth Jones, you know that she loves to "Bless your gizzard!"  Today we had our annual ladies’ conference at our church, and she was our speaker.  I always enjoy her because she is just so down-to-earth.  Our schedule included three main sessions—the first and last by Beneth (I’m not being disrespectful—she insisted that we use her first name. J ).  The middle session included testimonies by another lady in our church and me.

As Beneth talked during that first session, I sat there amazed--God is so amazing!!  Everything she was saying was tying directly to what I had planned to say today.  I was giddy on the inside—I love it when God’s direction is so glaringly evident!  THEN Sharon gave her testimony—she used some of the same verses that I had planned to use!  I was just overwhelmed at how God had divinely directed our thoughts so that everything tied so perfectly together!  Although the overall content was very different, the same biblical principles were woven throughout.

 

I won’t re-tell everything here.  I just wanted to briefly share that I was encouraged today.  It's always good to be reminded that we are not alone in our struggles. 

I received a blessing….and so did my gizzard!  J

He Knows Our Days

A lot has happened in our family over the past couple of weeks!  My youngest sister gave birth to her first baby on Feb 6….her due date was in late April.  I have to admit, when I first heard that she was beginning to experience symptoms of preeclampsia, my first thought was “WHY??”  Having experienced preeclampsia and premature delivery twice, I knew what was in store for her.  My very next thought was, “God knows.” 

For the past week, I’ve been meditating on Psalm 139.

1 O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. 5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. 7 Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? 8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! 9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," 12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you

These verses are such a comfort!  We can rest completely in the knowledge that God knows everything about us and our circumstances.  Even in our loneliest, most distressing times, He is there!

The next verses are: 

13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

These verses remind us that we are uniquely made by God.  I’ve read them hundreds of times, but this week something just jumped out at me.  Verse 16 says, “…in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”  All the other times that I’ve read this verse, I think, “Yes, God knows my days.  He knows how long I’ll live.”  What I never thought about before was, “God knows my days….He knows when they’ll begin.” 

Premature birth is not a mistake.  God’s plan for my boys, my precious, tiny niece, and so many others that I know was that they be born early—that is, earlier than normal.  I don’t know why.  We may never know, but I do know this:  God is sovereign.  God is good.  God is my Father, and He wants to give me good gifts.  God’s grace is sufficient for every circumstance.  His way is perfect.  These are the promises that I cling to daily.  Some days the circumstances are more difficult than others, but God is the same all the time. 

I don’t know why God chose our family - of my parents’ four grandchildren, three of them have been born prematurely, and my niece’s only cousin on her dad’s side was born last July, also prematurely.

I do know that I can speak for all of us when I say that we want God to be glorified.

Lessons from History: The Challenger Disaster

This post is a departure from my norm, but important to me just the same.  You may or may not know that I love history.  I have a social studies teaching degree, yet God has not seen fit to give me a traditional teaching job.  My children, however, get the occasional free history lesson from mom.  J  Recently, my sixth grade son decided to participate in his school’s fine arts competition.  His category is Patriotic Reading.  I helped him search for possibilities (which gave me a few mini-lesson opportunities) before settling on President Ronald Reagan’s speech to the nation on January 28, 1986—the day of the Challenger disaster.

Before he began working on the speech, I gathered the children around to talk to them about that day.  I wanted him to understand the context and importance of the speech he would be memorizing. 

First, I explained about space shuttles.  Having the privilege of growing up in North Alabama near the Space Flight Center, I grew up in the center of space news.  We heard about the space program all the time and many people that we knew worked in and around the space program in some capacity.  We sometimes saw huge space-related parts floating on barges down the Tennessee River.  I think every kid in N. Alabama goes to Marshall Space Flight Center on at least one field trip in their lives.  We think it is absolutely normal to drive down the road and see rockets standing on the side.  My point is that the space program was familiar and dear to us.  I loved watching space shuttle launches!  It was just amazing to imagine what it would be like to actually go into space and see the vastness of God’s universe.

I looked up video of how space shuttles launched like rockets and landed like airplanes….the kids were amazed.  Then, I showed them the Challenger launch.  I was amazed at how all the emotion I remember feeling came rushing back.  I was 11yrs old and in the 6^th grade….just like my son is now.  We didn’t see it live, but as soon as it happened, school pretty much stopped while we watched the coverage on TV.  We were in shock.  There’s no way to know how many times I’ve seen that video.  It looks SO perfect:  the sleek white shuttle in the clear blue sky.  You watch that knowing what’s going to happen next and it is heart-wrenching. 

My kids watched—speechless.  I sat there with tears streaming down my face.  You might be wandering why I would show them/tell them about something so traumatic.  I think it’s important to teach them about real life.  They handled it very well, and asked lots of great questions.  It’s so important to know these things.  It’s important to know that God is still loving and caring, even when bad things happen.

We talked about the astronauts and Christa McAuliffe.  As I read to them about McAuliffe, I realized that she was 37 years old – the same age I am now.  Wow.  That put a whole new perspective on it for me, too.

Then we watched President Reagan’s speech.  I get chills every time I hear it.  I remember that night, watching it in my grandparents’ living room.  We all sat glued to his words.  What a great president!  I wanted my kids to see and experience what it was like to hear him.   They sat there quietly listening—it’s not very long.  When it ended, I asked my son, “Does that help you know more about your speech?”  He nodded in awe. 

I want him to do his best.  He’s never done a speech before, so I don’t want him to be scared about it.  Whatever happens at Fine Arts is really not important.  The important stuff already happened.  I was able to share with my children how God and historical events are inevitably intertwined.  I was reminded just how grateful I am for my life:  Where I’m from, what I’ve experienced, that I’m able to pass on something meaningful to my children.  God has given me a tremendous classroom – my own home.

Tomorrow is the 26^th anniversary of that fateful day.  It’s one of those “I remember exactly where I was” moments in life.  What can you learn from it?

It is important to take opportunities to weave spiritual lessons into every day life.

What lessons have you learned from history?

A New Year - A New Look at My Way of Life

Resolutions.  I’m not really big on New Year’s Resolutions…..probably because I make a continuous habit of it all year long.  I am constantly “resolving” to do or change something.  It used to make me constantly overwhelmed with life because I had way too many resolutions to follow; therefore, I constantly felt like a failure.

Now that I have a new perspective on things, I find that I can keep my “resolving” in check—for the most part.  There is one thing in particular that I’ve been thinking on for several weeks---How does my life advance the gospel? 

For the past weeks/months I have become increasingly weary of hearing, seeing, reading all sorts of debate and arguments over peripheral issues.  Debate and discussion have their place, but what is most important?

It really struck me a few weeks ago when I was listening to a NFL analyst talk about Tim Tebow.  There has been so much sports debate about whether or not Tebow will make it in the NFL, but this guy was different.  He was completely amazed at Tebow’s testimony.  Of course, he didn’t use the word “testimony”, but he talked on and on about how Tebow reacts to adversity, how he treats those who say mean things about him, etc.  This analyst said that he considered himself to be a spiritual person, but whatever it is that Tebow has, he wants it.  Personally, I like to watch Tim Tebow play football, and I hope he succeeds.  If you ask Tim Tebow, I’m pretty sure that to him football is a tool that will give him a platform to advance the gospel.  Football happens to be the platform God has given Tim Tebow. 

What has God given me?  We easily fall into the trap of thinking, “If I were famous….,  If I had lots of money…., If I lived in a certain place…..then it would be easier for me to live for Christ.”  That’s not how it works.  We are to live for Christ and advance the gospel from wherever we are right now.

For those of you who have read earlier blog posts, you know that I love Philippians.  Recently I sat down and read through Philippians twice in one sitting.  I was struck by just how much Paul addresses the topic of advancing the gospel.  Paul was usually “on the run” or in prison, yet look at what he has to say about how we are to live to advance the gospel of Christ. 

Paul says in 1:12-14, I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ.  And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear.  He goes on to say in verse 16, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel.

In verses 18-21 he continues, I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death.  For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Verse 27:  Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel,

Chapter 2:1-8 – These verses speak for themselves.  What an example of humility Christ is for us!  Following this example would transform our lives.

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.  Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men, and being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

2:16 – Holding fast to the Word of Life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.

The above verses from chapter 2 are a huge rebuke to me.  I struggle constantly with the tendency to defend myself and others close to me.  If I have been wronged, it is easy for me to feel like that I deserve to put them in their place.  I don’t.  It’s not up to me.  I don’t have to have the last word.  I need to show Christ.

3:12-17 – Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own.  Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own.  But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I, too, have not arrived and am far from perfect, but I do strive to press on daily.  Don’t get hung up on past failures.  Assess where you are now and press on!

I’ll close with my favorite verses from chapter 4…

Verses 4-9 – Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.  Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.  The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding; will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Verse 13 – I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

Verse 19 – And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

We tend to quote verse 19 with physical needs in mind:  food, money, clothes, etc.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard it explained any other way, but of course we have more than just those physical needs.  Well, I do, anyway.  I need comfort, security, strength, patience, wisdom, grace…..God supplies those needs too…in abundance!

Am I living in such a way that my very way of life advances the gospel?  It’s possible.  Following Christ’s example of humility, having my mind/thoughts on track, trusting wholly in God for what I need both physically and spiritually…..those things will enable me to reflect Christ to others every day.

Happy New Year!

A Really Personal Relationship With God

Personal relationship with God….we toss that phrase around so flippantly.  Have you really thought about what that means?  Think about your other personal relationships:  parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends.  You know these people.  You rejoice when they rejoice.  You hurt when they hurt.  You would move heaven and earth to do something for them in most cases.  What about God?  You know the term relationship implies reciprocal affection.  As believers, we are not just “fans” of a great God; we have a relationship with Him.  He is our Father.  It’s hard for me to fathom that, really.

Lately, I’ve been meditating on what it really means to have a personal relationship with God.  Sadly, I haven’t always lived in that reality.  This may seem a bit disjointed but I wanted to highlight a few “a-ha” moments for me. 

As I’ve thought about this, I recall the first time it really hit me that God cares about me, Kelly, personally.  I was in high school working on an assignment for Bible class.  We were studying through the gospel of John.  John 17 is known as Jesus’ “High Priestly Prayer”.  This is just before Judas betrayed Him.  (I encourage you to go read the entire thing….you’ll find yourself backing up a couple of chapters just to get context.)  The verse that jumped out at me was John 17:20.  Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word.  Do you see that?  He (Jesus) was praying for His disciples and those believers that would remain, and for them also which shall believe on me through their word.  We are those that believed through their word!  God’s divine plan is for His gospel to be spread personally.  He was praying for you and me that night!  Doesn’t that just give you chills all over??  Maybe it’s just me, but it makes me want to shout or something! 

Fast forward a few years….ok, ok, a lot of years!  A couple of summers ago, we had the awesome opportunity to visit the Creation Museum in northern Kentucky.  (It’s actually very near Cincinnati, OH.)  I know that’s not really “on the way” to anything for most of you, but if you ever have the chance to go, GO.  It is AMAZING!!  Anyway, they have a very, very nice planetarium there.  They show different things, and I don’t even remember the official name of what we saw, but I’ll do my best to describe it to you.  It was life-changing.  In case you’ve never seen something like this, let me explain briefly.  It’s like watching a space movie on the ceiling.  They had really comfy chairs that reclined all the way back. Before it even started, I told the kids that no matter how much it felt like they were moving, they were going to be sitting in these chairs the whole time.  My little pep talk did not keep Zane from leaving marks on my arm from his holding on for dear life!  Anyway….we started out seeing an aerial view of the Creation Museum.  The camera would zoom out farther and farther explaining how earth relates to the atmosphere, moon, solar system, galaxies, universe, etc.  Of course, it didn’t take long before we couldn’t even see earth anymore.  Then our solar system disappeared….then the Milky Way…..you get the idea.  All I could think about while watching this was how the God that spoke this vast expanse into existence loved ME enough to send His Son to die for ME.  Tears streamed down my face as the reality of just how personal my great God is hit me.

Fast forward to now.  These past few months, I have really been struck with just how necessary it is to maintain that personal relationship with God.  Yes, He saved me, but it doesn’t stop there.  I need Him to be involved in every thing I do.  Every decision. Every hurt. Every question. Every joy. Every thing.  I often think of the Elizabeth Elliot quote that I’ve shared before:  “How to keep a quiet heart?  Put your whole trust in a God who is rational, personal, loving, and completely in charge of the whole universe and every tiniest detail of our lives.”

There is nothing about my circumstances that God doesn’t know.  He orchestrates each of our lives and circumstances together.  Loving and caring for each of His children personally. 

I find that I look at everything so differently.  I get so excited when I read passages from the Bible or hear messages that illustrate how personal God is.  I know that often I am guilty of categorizing the people that I read about in the Bible as “different” or somehow “special”.  These dear people whose lives are recorded for us, are just that – people.  I’m sure that they never thought of themselves as “ultra-spiritual”.  I wonder if any of them even know what God wrote about them.  The personal God of the Bible is the very same personal God that we serve today.  That is so exciting to think about!

It’s Christmas.  Think about the Christmas story in light of how personal God was to Mary and Joseph, the shepherds, Simeon, Anna, the men from the East, even King Herod.  Think about how the coming of Jesus to earth has affected you personally.

Galatians 4:4-7 - But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.

Merry Christmas!