Learning to Trust by Carson Johnson

 I am so proud of my girl! She is almost finished with her first year of college. Although "adulting" is not her favorite thing, she is doing well. Some of you know that during her junior year of high school, she began struggling with anxiety. We went through a lot of difficult days, but God has answered many prayers along the way. Here is Carson, in her own words, sharing how God has used those difficulties in her life. It is our desire to give God the glory for all he has done.

               Life has changed A LOT for me in the past few months. I am slowly growing into a very different person than I used to be. This being in a good sort of way. I have done things that I did not think I would ever be capable of doing. Most of these things are no big deal to some people, but to me they felt like a mountain I could never climb. I for so long sat at the bottom staring up just thinking how impossible it all seemed, and that there was no way someone like me would get passed it. Slowly but surely, I started to take small steps. Nothing I felt like I couldn’t do, but still things slightly out of my comfort zone. Next came the bigger steps. Things that I could not avoid, but that I put off as long as possible out of fear of failing or just being uncomfortable. While I don’t enjoy it, I have come to realize I have to trust. Trust my parents and the people around me – yes, but also simply and most importantly trusting God.

               If trusting God has to be such an important part of my life, how can I know that I can fully trust Him? While this thought never came across my mind word for word my actions showed otherwise. If someone had asked me if I trusted God I would, without hesitation, have said absolutely. On the other hand, I worried about everything. I lived in fear of what I did not know to be true. This has been a constant struggle in my life. For a long time, I have dealt with anxiety and more recently I let it take control. I got to a point where I could not function. I did not know what else to do but depend on God for everything even the small things like getting me through my day. It got so bad I even began begging God to just help me make it through the next few minutes. It may sound dramatic to some, but I had never felt anything like it. I was gripped with anxiousness and there was nothing I could do about it. When I felt overwhelmed by my anxious feelings, I resorted to writing a list of all the things I had to be thankful for or just simply all the things that I knew were true. I found that if I was focusing on the things I was writing I could then take a deep breath and continue on trying to get through my day. The power of truth became evident in my life. Because I have the ultimate truth, I have no reason to fear.

               While I became better at trusting God and not fearing what I did not know, I still had a big fear that I still struggle to let go of. My fear of what others think seems to pop up in my life multiple times a day, especially in the realm of college. The area I’ve seen this most is specifically when it comes to sharing the gospel. I have been convicted over and over that I have the greatest news there is and I am too afraid to share that with anyone. The selfishness I am displaying is huge. I am saying that what others think of me is more important than something I could give that is life-changing and lifesaving.

               Wrapping my brain around the fact that I was created by God for a purpose is amazing to me. God chose me to be a part of His plan, but how can He use me? I am nothing but a sinner who constantly disobeys God. The wonderful thing is God does not judge me by my sin anymore. God sent His Son to die for me. Jesus took that sin on Himself so that God can see me as righteous. Because I have accepted this gift I can now spend forever with God. It’s a good reminder to me that if I can trust God with my life when it comes to eternity why can’t I trust Him with everything else? That’s exactly it. I can trust God with absolutely everything. This includes the giant mountain I struggled with for so long, all the things I worry about, and even my fear of what others think. I can live in freedom from my anxiety all because of what God has done for me. Living in freedom from whatever someone is struggling with is something I hope everyone can claim. I want to be more proactive about sharing what I have with other people so that this can too be their reality.