I am so proud of my girl! She is almost finished with her first year of college. Although "adulting" is not her favorite thing, she is doing well. Some of you know that during her junior year of high school, she began struggling with anxiety. We went through a lot of difficult days, but God has answered many prayers along the way. Here is Carson, in her own words, sharing how God has used those difficulties in her life. It is our desire to give God the glory for all he has done.
Life
has changed A LOT for me in the past few months. I am slowly growing into a
very different person than I used to be. This being in a good sort of way. I
have done things that I did not think I would ever be capable of doing. Most of
these things are no big deal to some people, but to me they felt like a
mountain I could never climb. I for so long sat at the bottom staring up just
thinking how impossible it all seemed, and that there was no way someone like
me would get passed it. Slowly but surely, I started to take small steps.
Nothing I felt like I couldn’t do, but still things slightly out of my comfort
zone. Next came the bigger steps. Things that I could not avoid, but that I put
off as long as possible out of fear of failing or just being uncomfortable. While
I don’t enjoy it, I have come to realize I have to trust. Trust my parents and
the people around me – yes, but also simply and most importantly trusting God.
If
trusting God has to be such an important part of my life, how can I know that I
can fully trust Him? While this thought never came across my mind word for word
my actions showed otherwise. If someone had asked me if I trusted God I would,
without hesitation, have said absolutely. On the other hand, I worried about
everything. I lived in fear of what I did not know to be true. This has been a
constant struggle in my life. For a long time, I have dealt with anxiety and
more recently I let it take control. I got to a point where I could not
function. I did not know what else to do but depend on God for everything even
the small things like getting me through my day. It got so bad I even began
begging God to just help me make it through the next few minutes. It may sound
dramatic to some, but I had never felt anything like it. I was gripped with anxiousness
and there was nothing I could do about it. When I felt overwhelmed by my
anxious feelings, I resorted to writing a list of all the things I had to be
thankful for or just simply all the things that I knew were true. I found that
if I was focusing on the things I was writing I could then take a deep breath
and continue on trying to get through my day. The power of truth became evident
in my life. Because I have the ultimate truth, I have no reason to fear.
While
I became better at trusting God and not fearing what I did not know, I still had
a big fear that I still struggle to let go of. My fear of what others think
seems to pop up in my life multiple times a day, especially in the realm of
college. The area I’ve seen this most is specifically when it comes to sharing
the gospel. I have been convicted over and over that I have the greatest news
there is and I am too afraid to share that with anyone. The selfishness I am
displaying is huge. I am saying that what others think of me is more important
than something I could give that is life-changing and lifesaving.
Wrapping
my brain around the fact that I was created by God for a purpose is amazing to
me. God chose me to be a part of His plan, but how can He use me? I am nothing
but a sinner who constantly disobeys God. The wonderful thing is God does not
judge me by my sin anymore. God sent His Son to die for me. Jesus took that sin
on Himself so that God can see me as righteous. Because I have accepted this
gift I can now spend forever with God. It’s a good reminder to me that if I can
trust God with my life when it comes to eternity why can’t I trust Him with
everything else? That’s exactly it. I can trust God with absolutely everything.
This includes the giant mountain I struggled with for so long, all the things I
worry about, and even my fear of what others think. I can live in freedom from my
anxiety all because of what God has done for me. Living in freedom from
whatever someone is struggling with is something I hope everyone can claim. I
want to be more proactive about sharing what I have with other people so that
this can too be their reality.
