A Really Personal Relationship With God

Personal relationship with God….we toss that phrase around so flippantly.  Have you really thought about what that means?  Think about your other personal relationships:  parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends.  You know these people.  You rejoice when they rejoice.  You hurt when they hurt.  You would move heaven and earth to do something for them in most cases.  What about God?  You know the term relationship implies reciprocal affection.  As believers, we are not just “fans” of a great God; we have a relationship with Him.  He is our Father.  It’s hard for me to fathom that, really.

Lately, I’ve been meditating on what it really means to have a personal relationship with God.  Sadly, I haven’t always lived in that reality.  This may seem a bit disjointed but I wanted to highlight a few “a-ha” moments for me. 

As I’ve thought about this, I recall the first time it really hit me that God cares about me, Kelly, personally.  I was in high school working on an assignment for Bible class.  We were studying through the gospel of John.  John 17 is known as Jesus’ “High Priestly Prayer”.  This is just before Judas betrayed Him.  (I encourage you to go read the entire thing….you’ll find yourself backing up a couple of chapters just to get context.)  The verse that jumped out at me was John 17:20.  Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word.  Do you see that?  He (Jesus) was praying for His disciples and those believers that would remain, and for them also which shall believe on me through their word.  We are those that believed through their word!  God’s divine plan is for His gospel to be spread personally.  He was praying for you and me that night!  Doesn’t that just give you chills all over??  Maybe it’s just me, but it makes me want to shout or something! 

Fast forward a few years….ok, ok, a lot of years!  A couple of summers ago, we had the awesome opportunity to visit the Creation Museum in northern Kentucky.  (It’s actually very near Cincinnati, OH.)  I know that’s not really “on the way” to anything for most of you, but if you ever have the chance to go, GO.  It is AMAZING!!  Anyway, they have a very, very nice planetarium there.  They show different things, and I don’t even remember the official name of what we saw, but I’ll do my best to describe it to you.  It was life-changing.  In case you’ve never seen something like this, let me explain briefly.  It’s like watching a space movie on the ceiling.  They had really comfy chairs that reclined all the way back. Before it even started, I told the kids that no matter how much it felt like they were moving, they were going to be sitting in these chairs the whole time.  My little pep talk did not keep Zane from leaving marks on my arm from his holding on for dear life!  Anyway….we started out seeing an aerial view of the Creation Museum.  The camera would zoom out farther and farther explaining how earth relates to the atmosphere, moon, solar system, galaxies, universe, etc.  Of course, it didn’t take long before we couldn’t even see earth anymore.  Then our solar system disappeared….then the Milky Way…..you get the idea.  All I could think about while watching this was how the God that spoke this vast expanse into existence loved ME enough to send His Son to die for ME.  Tears streamed down my face as the reality of just how personal my great God is hit me.

Fast forward to now.  These past few months, I have really been struck with just how necessary it is to maintain that personal relationship with God.  Yes, He saved me, but it doesn’t stop there.  I need Him to be involved in every thing I do.  Every decision. Every hurt. Every question. Every joy. Every thing.  I often think of the Elizabeth Elliot quote that I’ve shared before:  “How to keep a quiet heart?  Put your whole trust in a God who is rational, personal, loving, and completely in charge of the whole universe and every tiniest detail of our lives.”

There is nothing about my circumstances that God doesn’t know.  He orchestrates each of our lives and circumstances together.  Loving and caring for each of His children personally. 

I find that I look at everything so differently.  I get so excited when I read passages from the Bible or hear messages that illustrate how personal God is.  I know that often I am guilty of categorizing the people that I read about in the Bible as “different” or somehow “special”.  These dear people whose lives are recorded for us, are just that – people.  I’m sure that they never thought of themselves as “ultra-spiritual”.  I wonder if any of them even know what God wrote about them.  The personal God of the Bible is the very same personal God that we serve today.  That is so exciting to think about!

It’s Christmas.  Think about the Christmas story in light of how personal God was to Mary and Joseph, the shepherds, Simeon, Anna, the men from the East, even King Herod.  Think about how the coming of Jesus to earth has affected you personally.

Galatians 4:4-7 - But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.

Merry Christmas!

I've Got a Plan....Is It God's?

I just love it when a great plan comes together!  Seriously.  I LOVE to plan things.  I am addicted to lists.  I will make a list of lists that I need to make—yes, it’s bad.  When life is crazy, list making gives me some sense of being in control.—remember, I’m a control-freak.  There is nothing more disconcerting for someone like me than when a plan fails.  Over the last few years, I have learned to be more flexible.  I have learned that the world won’t end if things don’t go as I have them planned.  How important are my plans anyway?  If my plan is not in line with God’s plan, then my plan is no good at all.

Think about this….for hundreds of years, the Jews watched and waited for their promised Messiah.  They imagined that He would deliver them from earthly oppression.  When Jesus was on earth, they expected that if He were truly the Messiah that He would overthrow the Romans and set up His kingdom.  Of course, that’s not what happened.  Jesus came without earthly “pomp and circumstance” and ministered to those who were rejected by society, yet He was the promised One.  Because the Messiah did not come in the way they expected, and He didn’t perform the function that they expected, He was largely rejected.

Does God ever provide for me in ways that I don’t expect?  Using means that I’ve not thought about?  I am often guilty of figuring out a plan that I think God should follow.  How foolish!  When I figure out the plan and wait for God to follow it, I miss out on watching God work.  Since the beginning of time, God has illustrated to us that He knows what is best, and His timing is perfect.  Why do I continue to fight that?

Of course, God knew we would struggle with this.  Over and over throughout scripture He encourages us, instructs us, and gives us examples to follow.  Here are some that immediately come to mind:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9 

As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.  Psalm 18:30

Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him:  Psalm 37:7

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.  Isaiah 26:3

Even when life seems upside down and there is no “plan”, God has one.  He is not surprised by anything.  He, our loving heavenly Father, graciously provides what is best for each of us.  God doesn’t need me to plan for Him.  He just needs me to be willing to wait, watch, and follow. 

I have purposed to watch expectantly for what God is doing every day.  It’s amazing what you’ll see, if you just look!

Encouragement to keep following...

In our church's evening service this past Sunday, we sang 2 songs that were such a tremendous encouragement to me.  I love to really think about the words to songs as we sing them, and these two go right along with my most recent post.  Singing these brought tears to my eyes.  Another wonderful way to rehearse truth about God is through song.

I first learned I Will Follow (by Mac Lynch) when I was in high school.  Our tiny Christian school had an ensemble that traveled around to minister in local churches.  One of the songs we sang was I Will Follow.  I can't tell you how many times I've sung this since then, but it never gets old.  As a matter of fact, it's message grows sweeter.

I will follow Thee, my Savior, Where'er the pathway may go:

Thru' the storm or thru' the valley Or thru' great trials so low.

I will live for Thee, my Savior, Tho' war and strife mark the way.

I'm so weak, but Thou art mighty, So live thru' me day by day.

I surrender all, my Savior, I hold no thing back from Thee;

Every part is Thine to use, Lord, Thy living sacrifice be.

Refrain

I rest in Thee, trust in Thee, I place my life in Thy hands.

I will follow Thee, my Savior; Lead on, my Shepherd, lead on.

The next song was Trust His Word (by Ron Hamilton).  It's a beautiful reminder of how our great God, the Creator of the universe is interested in our personal lives.

Jesus made each star in Heaven; He created earth and sea.

He's the keeper of all knowledge, What is past and what will be.

Yet He offers His great wisdom So you will not lose your way.

Like a lamp it glows; ev'ry step it shows.  You can know His will each day.

He is not a distant stranger; He can be your closest friend.

And He'll always listen closely When you share your heart with Him.

Jesus walks the path beside you; He has been there all along.

And He'll guide your feet when your step is weak, And your strength is almost gone.

Refrain

Trust His Word!  Trust His Word!

All God's promises are true.  Trust His Word!

When your pathway disappears,

When your joy gives way to tears,

When your plagued with doubts and fears, Trust His Word!

What songs have encouraged you lately?

Following….One Step at a Time

What a month!  I haven’t posted anything new in a couple of weeks, but it’s certainly not because I haven’t been learning anything!  As a matter of fact, I have visited my own blog several times reading over and over again the things that I know to be true about my God.  Over the past weeks/months God has been doing some radical things in my family.  I can’t possibly go into all the details here, but I do want to share something that keeps coming back to my mind over and over again.

When we think about our lives, I’m sure that each of us can pinpoint several major milestones or crossroads--points where we experience life-changing direction.  I know that in my own life, I’ve thought many times, “This would be so much easier if God spoke to me through neon signs in the night sky.”  What I’m really saying is that I could follow so much easier if I just had clear, indisputable direction.  Is that really true, though??  Is it easier to follow clear direction?  I don’t think so….at least not right now, it’s not.  God has clearly directed in our lives, and we are now standing at one of those crossroads.  It’s like we are waiting in the middle of the intersection without a clue as to which direction to take.  We didn’t just happen upon this place.  God brought us here—I have no doubt about that.  But what now?

I’ve been rehearsing truth about God.  God is sovereign.  He makes no mistakes.  He loves me.  He is good.  He wants to be glorified in every circumstance.  He gives grace for every trial.  He has a solution before I even know I have a problem.

As I’ve thought about these things, I remembered Abraham.  In Genesis 22, God told Abraham to take his only son Isaac and offer him as a burnt offering to the Lord.  God audibly spoke to Abraham—you really can’t get direction any clearer than that!  How hard that must have been for Abraham!

As I read through this chapter several things jumped out at me.  God’s initial instructions to Abraham were, “Take your only son to the Land of Moriah and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.”  God told him enough to get him started on his journey, but He also says “on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.”  I don’t think Abraham knew yet exactly to which mountain he would be going. 

He got up early the next morning and chose two young men to accompany him and Isaac on this journey.  They traveled for three days.  Don’t you imagine that with every step of that long journey Abraham was rehearsing what he knew to be true about God?  God keeps His promises.  God miraculously gave me a son.  God said that a nation would come from Isaac’s offspring.  God has told me to kill my son.  These thoughts probably went around and around in Abraham’s mind, yet he obeyed God…one step at a time. 

The Bible tells us that on the 3^rd day “he (Abraham) lifted up his eyes and saw the place from afar off.”  I’m not sure how he knew, but when it was time, God let him know the place.  At this point, he left his servants with the donkey and continued on with Isaac telling them, “Stay here with the donkey; I and the boy will go over there and worship and come again to you.”

Do you see that?  Abraham has been told to offer his son up as a sacrifice, yet he basically tells his servants, “We’ll be back later”.

Abraham didn’t know exactly what God was going to do, but he did know God.  He trusted that somehow God would spare his son.  BUT here’s what is important to see here….He’s not questioning God.  He’s not saying, “Ok…where’s the catch?  I need to see the end result before I can obey.”  He is obeying each step of the way.

Abraham and Isaac continued on.  Isaac even asked Abraham, “Where is the lamb?”  Abraham’s answer, “God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering.”

They finally came to the place, but Abraham did not waiver.  He prepared the altar, bound Isaac and placed him on the altar, raised the knife to kill him….obeying every step of the way.  THEN the Angel of the Lord spoke.  “Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son from me.”  There in the thicket was the ram that God provided for the offering.

Abraham named that place The Lord will Provide.  Doesn’t that just give you chills? 

 
The same God that clearly directed and provided for Abraham is the same God that is directing and providing for you and me.  He is our personal God.  Abraham was not a superhuman, but he had the same personal God.

Do we withhold things from God?  Do we hesitate to obey because we don’t know the end result?  It is hard to obey when we can’t see the end, but we trust an all-knowing, all-wise God.  We have to literally rest in the knowledge that He knows our end.  He is directing us to that end.

We have no choice but to follow Him…one step at a time.

Rest For The Weary Mind and Heart

Wow….this post is long overdue.  Finding time to put my thoughts in order has been difficult lately.  Today, my goal is to just barely scratch the service of an unending topic – The Sovereignty of God.  Take a moment to think about that.  God is sovereign over ALL things.  NOTHING surprises Him.  I’ve been meditating on this for months…

When I am physically and mentally weary, I long for rest.  I have found sweet rest in mediating on the sovereignty of God.  As I’ve mentioned before, I struggle a lot because of my tendency to control situations and solve problems.  I can be easily overwhelmed by situations and circumstances that are beyond my control.  Constantly reminding myself that God is in control of everything—especially when I am not—gives my mind rest.

Why am I spending so much time meditating on something that is seemingly obvious?  Because, we tend to skim over the obvious.  We fail to personalize something so profound.  When you personalize the fact that God is sovereign over all things, it will change the way you live.

A few weeks ago, I was listening to Elizabeth Elliott speak about having a quiet heart.  She said this, “How to keep a quiet heart?  Put your whole trust in a God who is rational, personal, loving, and completely in charge of the whole universe and every tiniest detail of our lives.”

I don’t really have trouble remembering that God is in charge of the whole universe, but I do have trouble remembering that God is in charge of every tiny detail of my life.  Think about that for a minute.  Every detail….  Every. Single. One. 

Wow.  That puts a whole new spin on things, doesn’t it? 

When we go through trials---no matter what they are, we tend to pray for relief.  “God, please deliver me.”  “Make it go away.”  “I can’t deal with that person.”  We are tempted to think we need to inform God of the solution.  Once we let Him know what we need, then we think it won’t be long before something happens.  We even think up complicated scenarios and solutions to produce our expected outcome.  We are willing to jump through all kinds of hoops.  We could save ourselves a whole lot of time and energy if we just remind ourselves of the simple truth – God is sovereign.  It’s so simple, really.  God knows every detail.  He will use the trials in my life to make me more like Him.  I should really be praying, “Lord, show me how I should respond, so that I will be more like you.”

Simple doesn’t equal easy.  Oh, it is so hard to just let go of self.  My tendency is to preserve self or make myself look good in difficult situations.  My goal should be to reflect Christ.  It’s so easy to think that “reflecting Christ” is reserved for only some circumstances.  No.  No matter how difficult it seems, I should reflect Christ in all circumstances.  Yes, all of them.  Remembering that God is sovereign helps me do that.  I know that I’m not always successful, but I do find that I am more mindful—even in the seemingly mundane things of life.

As I said, I’ve been thinking about these things for weeks—a whirlwind of thoughts swirling through my head.  I’ve been struggling with how to make all of this come together, then I found it!  The story of Naaman.  We talked about this last Wednesday night, and I just sat there jumping up and down inside.  I probably would have made a few people nervous if I had been jumping up and down on the outside. J  To summarize the story (found in 2 Kings 5), Naaman was the wealthy, mighty, Captain of the Host of Syria.   He was also lost (unsaved), stubborn and proud.  In his home lived a slave girl who had been taken from her home in Israel.  This little girl (her name is never mentioned) believed in the true God of Israel.  She was evidently loyal to her master and his family because she was concerned for him and his family.  He had leprosy.  All of his riches, honor, and power could not heal him.  The slave girl wished that there was a prophet of God in Samaria, so that he could be healed.  Since he had no other option, Naaman visited Israel in search of a cure – first going to the king, and then eventually to Elisha, the prophet.  Elisha’s instructions:  Go dip in the muddy Jordan River seven times.  Naaman’s reaction:  anger.  Naaman was prepared for something WAY more grandiose and complicated.  His servants, talked some sense into him…..They said, you know you would do something far more difficult.  He’s telling you to go dip in the Jordan seven times.  You can do this.  When he obeyed, he was healed.  Not only was he healed physically, but he believed on God and rejected the idols of his country.

How does Naaman’s story apply to me today? 

Naaman’s circumstances were beyond his control.  Most things that overwhelm me are beyond my control.  God provided a way for healing even before Naaman knew he needed it.  He found out about the God of Israel through his slave girl.  Think about this….the day that little girl was kidnapped from her family and taken to a foreign country to live, she, too, was placed in a situation out of her control.  God in his sovereignty orchestrated it all!  He placed her in Naaman’s house.  Although she was a young girl AND a slave, she apparently responded correctly to her situation.  I don’t think she was rebellious and wishing evil on Naaman and his family.  She cared enough to tell them about her God.  Because she responded to her ongoing trial (slavery) correctly, Naaman was healed and believed in God.  Oh, and another thing….we don’t know her name.  It doesn’t really matter what her name was, what matters is who her God is.  Self doesn’t matter.  God does.

Back to Naaman….he visits Elisha and gets instructions for healing.  They were simple.  Dip in the Jordan River seven times.  He was rich and powerful, a mighty soldier, he could do anything, BUT how would it look for him to be going down into the muddy old Jordan River?  That wouldn’t be very dignified, would it?  What would others think?  or  Maybe the problem was there would be too little attention there.  Whatever, his reasons, it is clear that Naaman had other ideas.

How many times do I think my ways are better than God’s ways?  I need to simply obey.

Naaman’s obedience brought him healing and new life.  My first step of obedience of believing in Christ alone for salvation brought me new life.  My continued obedience to His Word, brings me healing and joy as I grow to be more like Him.

When I try to break such gigantic truths down into “bite-sized” pieces, I think about Psalm 139 (another great passage illustrating God’s sovereignty).  Ps. 139:6 says, Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it.  I trust that these simple, yet profound truths will encourage you in your walk with Christ. 

Rest in God’s Sovereignty.  Reflect Christ.

Where is your focus?

The answer is essential to successfully running your race.  What is the central point of your attention?  Hebrews 12 tells us where our focus should be – Looking unto Jesus…Consider Him.  If we are not focusing on Jesus, then what is the object of our attention?  It has to be something. 

Once I started really practically applying Hebrews 12 to my life, it was apparent that I was focusing on so many other things.  God used yet another passage of scripture to help me see this so clearly.  (Another exciting thing to see is how ALL of scripture works together.  You can know that as fact, but until you experience it in your own heart….I can’t really put into words, how exciting it is to me!)  The next passage was Philippians 4.  Again, there’s a lot to glean from this chapter as well, but I’ll stick to my point.  To summarize, Paul is talking to the believers about living with joyful maturity.  There are four things in this chapter that will hinder my joy in Jesus:  1.) Disruptive Relationships  2.) Anxieties/Fears  3.) Undisciplined Thinking  4.) Focus on material possessions.  They are all important, and I’ve struggled in every area, but the one that just hit me right between the eyes was “focus on material possessions”.

In verses 11-13, Paul says, “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Bear with me for a moment while I walk you through my thought process.  I think it’s important because I don’t think I’m the only one that is this way.  If I am, then y’all just hang in there until I’m done.  J  This was not the first time that I had heard a message on Philippians 4.  I had heard countless messages about being content.  I grew up in a wonderful family.  God met our needs time and time again in amazing ways.  We were not rich or even “well off”, but we were happy and cared for.  Because I had learned a long time ago to know how to make do with what I have, even when it’s not a lot, I usually just skipped over these verses.  Of course, I knew how to be content….I’ve been doing this all my life.  The night that I heard this message, I really asked myself,  Am I content?  Do I focus on material things?  If I was going to be honest and think truth, the answers were, No, I’m not content and Yes, I focus on material things.  Here’s why.  The root of a lot of my anxiety and fears, my “superwoman” complex, etc., was that I compared myself, my family, our house, our stuff to other people and their stuff.  If I tried to list all the ways, it would really be endless.  I was great at comparing myself to others all by myself, but do you know what helped me do that even more??  Facebook.  Now, I am not a Facebook hater.  I love that I can keep track of friends from so far away. BUT… I would look at FB and see how many pieces of furniture had been restored, how many rooms had been redecorated, how many loaves of bread had been baked, how many perfectly happy kids were dressed in perfectly matched clothes posing on perfectly manicured lawns….  You get the idea.  I thought I needed to do all of that.  I could not continue that kind of thinking and be happy and content.  I repented of that, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t still struggle.

Here are some truths that I speak to myself:

No one is perfect or has a perfect life.  I mean, let’s get real.  Most people don’t post their dirty laundry (figuratively or literally) on FB.  (I know there are exceptions. J ) 

My life has been designed by God just for me.  I remind myself that I am the only one who is the wife of my husband, mom of my kids, secretary of my church, etc., etc., etc.  No one else has my life, so why should I be trying to live someone else’s?  God’s plan for me is unique.  I need to live it with joy.  Life is never going to be perfect or easy.  As a matter of fact, there are lots of things that are downright hard and discouraging, but God doesn’t leave us to deal with it alone.  I can do ALL things through HIS strength!

I am not in control; God is.  I am the first-born in my family.  I’ve always felt like I needed to swoop in and save the day.  I am….well, I am a control freak.  Let’s face it 99.9% of the things that we get mad at, sad about, hurt by, and afraid of are out of our control.  The sooner we learn this, the better off we are. 

What is under my control?  My responses.  Responding incorrectly just compounds the problem.  I should seek to show Christ no matter what the situation.

 

Where is your focus?  If you are not looking to Jesus, then you are focusing on the wrong things.  I have not arrived.  This is a daily struggle.  Even as I share these things, I am put to the test over and over again.

Let’s get our focus on Jesus.  Consider Him…lest you be weary and faint in your mind.

Looking to Jesus...even when it's too dark to see

So many people have a “life verse”.  What exactly is a life verse?  For some, I think it’s a verse of scripture that is especially meaningful to them.  For others, it may be a verse that is like a personal mission statement.  I’ll be honest.  I’ve never selected just one life verse.  However, there is a passage of scripture that has been absolutely life changing for me over the last year or so—Hebrews 12.  I love the truths of these verses because it was like they were written just for me.  Come to think of it—they were!  They were written for you, too.  Hebrews 12: 1- 3 says:

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, 

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. 

There is so much here….today, I’ll highlight a few things. 

Lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us.  For years, I would read this verse and have a hard time coming up with weights and sins that I needed to set aside.  WHAT?  Yes, because some of my weights and sins included wrong thinking, selfishness, and pride.  I was too blinded by those things to even admit that I had a problem.  The recognition and confession of my wrong thinking literally opened the door to an amazingly sweet time of spiritual growth.  We all know that runners cannot run successfully if they are carrying around extra weight.  No wonder, I was not running well.  I was completely weighed down.

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith – I needed to literally look to Jesus.  He is the author of my life – He designed the course of my race.  When we have questions about a product, book, game, etc., we may ask others around us, but who is the ultimate authority?  The inventor, author, or creator, right?  Well, since we can’t possibly have access to all the inventors, authors, and creators for every product, book, or game, we refer to the instructions that come with those respective items.  So, in my life, if Jesus (God) is the author of my life, the designer of my race, why wouldn’t I look to Him?  After all, He is the ultimate authority.  The great thing is that not only do I have the Bible to instruct me, but I also have direct access to Him.  Isn’t that amazing??  We have direct access to God, the creator of the universe, through His Son, Jesus Christ.  I don’t think we really fathom that like we should.

Consider Him….lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.  This verse was especially meaningful because that was me – weary and faint in my mind.  The verses that follow talk about how much Jesus endured on my behalf.  He was mocked, ridiculed, and crucified for me.  There is NOTHING that I will ever endure that can even compare.  When I start to dwell on my circumstances or situations or people that I can’t control, I have to stop and consider Him. 

I have spent many hours meditating on the truths of these verses.  Every single day, I see these truths at work in my own life.  It is exciting when you actually experience God at work in your life.  I have much more to share about this passage, but I will do it in small bits.  To try to take it all in at once is like trying to drink from a fire hydrant.

Are you weary and faint in your mind?  Start looking to Jesus, even when it’s too dark to see.

I know it, but how do I do it?

I’ve been thinking about just how many sermons I’ve heard during my lifetime.  Considering that I’ve been in church since birth, attended Christian schools from kindergarten – college, and went to a Christian camp every summer from age 8 – 18, that number is well over 6,000.  Wow.  I’ve never really calculated that until now.  The reality is that I’ve memorized hundreds of verses and heard sermons preached on the same passages over and over again.  I’ve known all the right answers for as long as I can remember.  What good is all of that head knowledge if I’m not applying it?

When I found myself in the “depths of despair”, I would read/meditate on so many verses that seemingly applied to my situation, yet…..nothing.  I struggled with practically applying the truths I knew in my head to my everyday life.  I was miserable.

There were several breakthrough moments--passages that were so familiar, yet they jumped off the page at me.  The first was Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”  

Let’s be honest.  Most of us have heard this verse preached in the context of listing all the things that we should/should not watch, listen to, visit, associate with, etc.  I agree.  There are plenty of things in life that are not true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, or worthy of praise.  However, this is what jumped off the page at me:  Whatever is true…..think about these things.

Is it true?  There are a couple of huge things that happened for me here.  I realized first of all, that the source of my despair and misery was not external.  It was my wrong thinking.  I was not thinking truth.  Wow.  More than 6,000 sermons in my life, and I was having trouble with truth?  No, it’s not that I was believing lies or questioning the truth of the Bible.  Practically, in everyday life, I was not thinking truth.  I would be all stressed out over lists of things that I thought I needed to do – everyday housework, remodeling rooms, couponing, meal planning, complete clean-out and reorganization of my house, read several books, do in-depth Bible studies…I could go on and on.  Sure, those things don’t sound too outrageous….if you took them one or two at a time.  The problem was that I would decide that I would need to do several or most of those things in one night or weekend.  Yes, I was crazy!  So here’s what I would do.  I would have conversations with myself (sometimes out loud):

Do you have to do all of the 12 humongous projects on your list today?  No

What is necessary for your family to survive? Cooking, some laundry, having a sane wife and mom

Several books?  Really?  Ok…one at a time, not necessarily every day

In-depth Bible study? Personal time with God – Yes.  Hours of study?  No 

(I have more to say about this.  I’ll save it for another post.)

 

Then there are all the “what ifs” of life.  What if…..I get sick, lose a job, mess up, let others down, lose a loved one?  Ok.  Am I thinking about some thing or circumstance that hasn’t happened?  Then I am not thinking truth.  God’s grace IS sufficient for what IS happening.  “He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater.”  NOT “He giveth more grace the more I think about all the bad things that might happen some day.”

 
Amazingly….I started to change.  Why?  My thinking was changing.  
 

Remember, it’s a gradual process.  Start thinking truth.  It will change your life!

Why write this blog?

I found myself anxious and defensive.  I was reacting to situations and making decisions based upon what I thought others were thinking about me or expecting of me.  It affected all areas of my life:

Physically:  I did not feel well.  I was tired and had no motivation or energy.  I did not eat regularly.  I did not get enough sleep.     

Mentally:  I was overwhelmed by life.  I constantly felt anxious, scared, and out of control.  I was moody – my family never knew which “me” they would be dealing with.  I was defensive and unapproachable.

Spiritually:  I felt so far away from God.  I would have devotions, but I felt totally haphazard….no direction.  I would try to pray, but usually had no words to describe what I wanted to say.  I just begged God to make me better.

There is not an exact point in time where I can say that this began.  It was a very gradual shift in my thinking that resulted in something that was very definitely wrong.  I found my self remembering how I used to be, and wondering why things were so different now.  I knew that floundering around in misery was not how I was supposed to be living.  It really didn’t matter what used to be.  I needed to be right—right now.

So, what to do? 

All throughout those long months, I continued to read my Bible, pray, and do all the things that I knew were right.  I was begging God for relief—my focus was all wrong.

When I would reach the end of my rope—which was often—my dear family would hear it.  My husband, sisters, and mother would listen as I would talk, cry, and try to explain how I felt.  I don’t think I did a very good job of communicating what I was experiencing.  I really thought that I was going crazy, and they probably did too!

I would have these long lists of things that I thought I needed to do based on what I thought was expected of me.  Some of the things on my list were absolutely right—housework, laundry, etc.  Other things on my list were totally wrong—look like a perfect family, be super woman, be all the things that others want me to be.   When I would try to explain how overwhelmed I was feeling, my family would repeat the same advice over and over again in as many different ways as they knew how:

• You can’t do everything.
• You don’t know what others are thinking.

Wow!  That may seem very obvious, but for me, it took a while to really grasp personally.  I had been overwhelmed for as long as I could remember (seriously).  I have always loved doing lots of things and doing them well.  All throughout my childhood and teen years, I excelled in school, sports, church activities, etc.  Think about it.  I had nothing else to occupy my time.  I loved to help out with any and everything that I could do for the teachers at our school.  (My mom worked at our school, so we practically lived there.)  I loved my family, school, and church.  I can honestly say, that I never felt “imprisoned” by anything about the way I grew up.  I thrived on all of the attention and affirmation that comes from doing things for others.  I truly do love to do things for others to show them that I care, BUT somewhere in there is a line, and I had crossed it.  I had become so consumed with being superwoman, that I was falling apart.  I could not meet the expectations anymore.  Who was expecting so much from me?  Me.  No one else.

So how to change my thinking? 

Since the road to this place was gradual, my journey back to “sanity” was also gradual.  God used many people, sermons, personal study, etc. to direct me to scripture that “discerned the thoughts and intents of my heart”.  I want to emphasize that it was ultimately the truths of God’s Word that brought healing.  We so often get hung up on certain people, books, songs, etc.  All of those “extras” are great tools, but they are not the ultimate answer.  We can be encouraged by the lives of others, books, songs, but all of those things ought to point us back to Christ.

I have been so excited about the way God has been working in my own heart that I wanted to share it with others.  I trust that the lessons that I share here will be an encouragement to you.