My Gift

“God in His love always wills what is best for us.  In His wisdom, He always knows what is best, and in His sovereignty He has the power to bring it about.”

I have looked at this quote posted near my computer in the church office for several years…most of the last eight years, in fact.  Today, it came down….along with my kids’ notes and drawings, and my Auburn stuff, and photos….

The quote is true.  It is always encouraging to be reminded of the truth in it.  It is another thing altogether to see it played out in your life in a BIG way.

God, in His love, has chosen to give me my heart’s desire.

Sixteen years ago, I received my teaching degree.  I just assumed that my next stop in life would be school teacher.  God had different plans.  I worked in banking for 8 years – 5 of those years I was a corporate trainer (so I DID teach, just not in the traditional manner).  A lot changed in those 8 years. Having 2 small children made it nearly impossible to continue working until midnight and traveling, so I began praying about what God would have me do.  After several months of praying, God opened the door for me to work a very flexible, part-time schedule as our church’s secretary.  My new schedule allowed me to be at home, with my children more often.  As our family grew, my schedule would change to accommodate.  The job, which was more like a ministry, was ideal for our family.

Fast forward to now.  Another 8 years has passed.  All 3 children attend a Christian school.  God has been faithful to provide tuition all these years.  Over the past year, our job/financial situation changed dramatically.  God is faithful.  He has provided our needs in so many miraculous and unexpected ways.  He has used faithful family and friends to encourage and strengthen us.  My relationship to God has grown stronger – being truly God-dependent has a way of doing that to you.  The latest in the long line of miraculous and unexpected provisions for us is that I have a new job/ministry!  Not just any job…I get to be a teacher…at a school – my children’s school!!  There are too many details to name, but suffice it to say that God’s hand in this couldn’t have been more clear had He written it in the stars!

Today, my stuff came down.  It will get moved to it’s new home in my classroom.  I am so excited!!  Words can’t even describe it, really.  I’m trying not to drive my family crazy when I babble on about all the things I’ve been thinking about and planning.  I have tons to do over the next couple of weeks, and I may not have a chance to post again for a while. 

I just wanted everyone to know about my HUGE answer to prayer.  Honestly, I didn’t know if I would ever get to teach.  I am so thankful for this wonderful gift from God!

“God in His love always wills what is best for us.  In His wisdom, He always knows what is best, and in His sovereignty He has the power to bring it about.”

Driving Through Fog

No, I have not dropped off the face of the earth!  These last weeks have been sooooo busy, that I have not had time to even put thoughts on paper.   The last two months of school were packed with activity – including baseball for all three children.  We ended the year with Zane graduating from 6^th grade, and Levi graduating from Kindergarten.  June brought VBS and a trip to The WILDS.  Now – now I’m trying desperately to carve out time to write. 

I’ve had tons of time to think, so hopefully I can communicate some of that thinking in a way that makes sense.

Have you ever driven in dense fog?  At night?  How does that make you feel?

I would guess most would feel like I do.  Driving through fog in the dark is scary.  You can’t see what’s ahead – or anywhere around you.  How do you know you are still on the road?  You look desperately for markers – like the outside white line or the middle yellow line to let you know that you are still in your lane.  You feel safer knowing you are in your lane, but still you hope that any other drivers out there are staying safely in their lanes.  You look for tail lights and head lights to let you know if other cars are on the road with you.

Why am I talking about driving through fog?

Because that’s about the most accurate description about how I feel about life right now.  I’ll be very honest.  The last few months have been extremely difficult for me.  Our lives have been turned upside down.  God has brought about several drastic changes in our lives that we would have never seen coming.  Some days….actually, a lot of days, I feel like I’m in a dense fog.

When I’m actually driving through fog or someplace unfamiliar, my children are constantly asking, “Do you know where we are?  Are we lost?”  My answer to them is always, “You are with me, and that’s all that matters.”  I thought about that the other day, and God seemed to audibly say, “Yes, you are with Me, and that’s all that matters.”

In this place, I have no choice but to stay close to God – desperately looking for those markers of direction and wisdom.  I have no choice but to rest in His care.

How comforting is that??  I have been overwhelmed lately with encouragement from all sorts of places – constant reminders of God’s care for me.  One recurring theme I have seen is His daily care of me.

Nearly every morning when I wake up – even before I get out of bed – the Holy Spirit reminds me that His mercies are new every morning.

In one conversation I had recently, a dear lady reminded me that God’s provision is like manna – you get what you need for that day, every day.

The Lord’s Prayer models, “Give us this day our daily bread.”

Another sweet lady told me this week, she was going to pray that God would provide what I needed for every day, without worry.

I’m so thankful that I don’t have to stockpile His mercy, love, and grace.  He provides what I need to handle each day.  He also has supplied what we needed physically each day.  We got a very unexpected gift in the mail yesterday, and I just wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time.  I even said, “In all the scenarios that I had thought up for God, this was certainly not one of them.”

This is a difficult, but sweet, sweet time.  I am God’s child, and He delights in caring for me!

On Wednesday night at church we had a wonderful message on prayer.  As we turned to look at one of the passages, my eye fell on Matthew 6:8 (not the verse we were turning to).  It says, your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.

You know what?  He does.  He knows it all.  He has a plan worked out already.  I just need to keep close to Him, looking for those markers that direct me to the next step.

I have no idea what’s coming, but He does…and that’s ALL that matters.

How can this be good?

I had planned to tackle another “weight”, but God has given me something else to share. 

If you read my blog, you are probably also friends with me or one of my family members on facebook.  You have all followed (to some extent) the progress of our sweet little Reagan---whether you wanted to or not! J  That’s pretty much all we’ve talked about for the last two months!  If you happen to be reading this, and you are not familiar with Reagan’s story, you can read all about it here.

After two very l-o-n-g months in the hospital, Reagan got to go home on April 6, just in time for Easter and a visit from her SC aunts and cousins!!  We were thrilled to be able to go, even for such a short visit.  There was a baby shower planned for April 7, so we had lots of fun seeing our friends and some extended family, too.  Just a couple of days before our visit, I was asked to prepare a short devotional for Emily’s baby shower.  Of course, I said, yes (that was the easy part).  Then, what?  I prayed, asking God to help me share something meaningful to which everyone could relate.  Now I want to share that devotional with you…

I began thinking about the last couple of months….daily updates about Reagan, encouragement for Dan and Emily from so many sweet people, specifically praying for everything from weight gain to eye maturity---oh, and don’t forget, poopy diapers!  Through it all, I had noticed a recurring them:  God is good.  God is good ALL the time.  Lots of people said it….and that’s okay, because it is true!

God was gracious enough to give us lots of days of such amazing progress that it was easy to say, God is good.  However, there were (and are) times when it is not so easy. 

The days leading up to Reagan’s birth were difficult ones.  Personally, I struggled—for many reasons:  Emily is my little sister, and I still want to protect her.  I couldn’t.  Emily was going through a difficult time, and I wanted to be with her.  I couldn’t.  Having experienced two pregnancies that ended in preeclampsia and premature babies, I knew what was in store, and I wanted to change it.  I couldn’t.  I struggled, because I was not focusing on what God was doing.   I spent most that weekend and day of Reagan’s birth telling myself that God knew what He was doing, and that I could trust Him.  My brain knew it, but my heart was having a hard time catching up.  I knew that no matter what was in store for Emily, Dan, and Reagan, that God would give them and us the grace to handle it. 

These times of struggle are normal because we are human, but we don’t have to be bound by our humanness.  If we know Christ as our personal Savior, He enables us to do, be, feel, respond in unusual ways demonstrating His goodness to others.

God, in His divine wisdom, brings about circumstances that can catapult us closer to Him.  We need to be submitted to what He plans for us to gain the most from it.  Why does God do this?  Why do we experience difficulty?

Isaiah 55:8-9 say,  For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

We can’t know the mind of God, but we can know the character of God.

Reagan’s story up to this point exemplifies the goodness of God through difficult circumstances.  It would take way too long to detail them all, but already we can see that His thoughts are higher than ours.   The key is focusing on God and not our selves or our circumstances. 

I took Reagan’s name and came up with some things about God that I can focus on when I’m tempted to question His goodness.

Redeemer – When I doubt God’s love for me, I am reminded that He loved me so much that He sent His son to redeem me from sin.  How can I doubt His goodness?

Emmanuel – His very name means, “God with us.”  When I am struggling, He is there.

 

Amazing Grace – Do we think about what His grace really means for us?  By grace we are saved (Eph 2:8-9), and He promises that His grace is sufficient for every circumstance (2 Cor 12:9).

Giver of good gifts – Matthew 7:11 says, If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

How can I question what He gives me?

Always the same - For I am the LORD, I change not; (Malachi 3:6a)

Never leaves us – Hebrews 13:5b says, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee. 

These are just a few of God’s promises to us…there are so much more!  Try making a list that’s easy for you to remember.  Already this week, I have thought through this list to help me.

No matter what your difficulty or struggle, these promises are true, and God is the same. 

Please don’t think that because I’ve listed these here, that I have conquered and that I will not ever struggle with believing God is good.  Having those feelings of doubt, despair, helplessness….that will probably never change, because we are human.  It’s how we handle those emotions and struggles that define us.  Focusing on who God is rather than our circumstances is the key to having right responses.

Reagan on Feb 6, 2012…

And now….

We are so thankful for God's good blessings demonstrated to us through our sweet, little Reagan!

Yes, God is good. Always.

Setting My Weights and Sins Aside: Wrong Thinking

Last time I discussed realizing that I actually have weights and sins to lay aside.  Read that post here.

How do I handle these weaknesses?  These weights and sins that beset me?

Recognizing that they exist is the obvious first step.  Once I started seeing how many I had, my next struggle was feeling overwhelmed and defeated by them.  I really was miserable for a very long time.  It was hard for my over-achieving, perfectionist, prideful self to realize that I had limitations.  I equated all that doing to success.  Somewhere along the way, all that doing became my downfall.  I would sacrifice time, sleep, home responsibilities, etc. for the sake of looking like “Super Woman” on the outside.  It was making me crazy!  I really believed that the world might just fall apart if I did not do all of the things that I thought I needed to do, or the things that I was just sure was expected of me by others.  As it turns out, I have drastically changed what I do, and the world is still turning!  As a matter of fact, all those “people” that I was going to “let down” by not doing “whatever” haven’t said one word to me about anything---I don’t think anyone’s noticed – except for my family who is grateful the crazy woman that used to live here has moved on.  She does try to come back sometimes, but I do my best to quickly send her packing!!

I am in the process of reading Filling the Empty Places by Beneth Peters Jones.  (I actually bought this book several years ago, but I’m just now reading it.)  There is so much in there that pertains to me, but this jumped out at me the other day, “Self focus guarantees discomfort.”  So true!  Once, I quit focusing on me, I felt so much better! 

Through this period of constant misery, I would describe myself as overwhelmed, exhausted, and having too much to do.  Matt would always try to encourage me by telling me to just do one thing at a time.  (By the way, I am THE QUEEN of starting something then being distracted….and starting something else….and getting distracted…and doing something else….and never getting anywhere!) I work hard at trying to stay focused on the task at hand. 

I have applied this “one thing at a time” concept to my spiritual life, too.  As the Lord started to show me very clearly that I had a number of weights and sins to set aside, I was overwhelmed by them.  I wanted to fix everything wrong and do everything right, right then.  The over-achieving perfectionist strikes again!  I’m going to share these over several posts…that way, I’m not overwhelmed and neither are you.  J

What Am I Thinking?

I realized that many of my struggles were linked to wrong thinking.  I latched on to Philippians 4:8, Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Since one of my biggest struggles was imagining what others thought of me or expected of me, I began asking myself, Do I know this to be true?  Most of the time, the answer was NO.  It is amazing how much anxiety and fear can be avoided by first asking that question.  This practice has transformed my thinking.  I do it every day, multiple times a day.  I also began noticing how often scripture address the mind and thinking.  Hmmmm…..I feel I’m pretty safe in assuming that God knew this would be a common human struggle, and He was kind enough to give us instruction in this area.

What else does the Bible say?  Here are a few of my favorites:

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.  Isaiah 26:3

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.  Romans 12:2

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.  Phil 2:5

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Change is overwhelming, but not impossible.  When I focus on myself, it results in panic, anxiety, discouragement, fear.  I must actively keep my mind stayed on Him.  When I do….there is peace – even in difficult circumstances.  Remember, I can do all things through Christ.  That’s not just a cliché!

Until next time….

What's Weighing Me Down?

Recently, at our church’s Ladies’ Conference, I had the opportunity to share my testimony.  I had done this in the past, but it had been a while.  The other times that I had done this, I shared about how God had used specific situations to teach me something about Him.  This time was different.  I was not talking about some specific tragic circumstance.  I was just talking about real life.  Although we will all experience some sort of tragic or dramatic circumstance at some point, we encounter real life every day.  I shared some of the highlights of how I came to write this blog – but of course, there’s never enough time to go into everything.  Besides, who really wants to listen to me talk for hours? J

I have been humbled by the response that I received.  Ladies of all ages, with varying life circumstances have come to me saying things like, “That is exactly what I needed!”  “That is how I feel right now – overwhelmed with life.”  “I, too, struggle with dealing with ‘too much to do’.  How do you handle that?”  “I had no idea that someone was like me.”  “I didn’t know that about you!”

Well, let me tell you….I’m a work in progress, but I am so excited that God is able to help with all of the overwhelming circumstances of life. 

Since our conference, my mind has been reeling…I have so many thoughts swirling around in there!  I want to share what God is teaching me, but I want to do it a bit at a time.  Honestly, right now, I feel like I’m trying to drink water from a fire hydrant.  Hopefully, you will be able to follow my randomness and be encouraged.

The sin that weighs me down.

I try not to get so specific about circumstances because I never want anyone to say, “That’s not for me because my situation is different.”  God’s Word is for all of life.  We can learn from each other and have things in common with each other, even when our circumstances are not identical or even similar.

It struck me that in Hebrews 12:1, we are told to lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us.  Notice that no specific weight or sin is named.  It doesn’t even say, “If you have a weight or sin, just go ahead and set that aside.”  It says to lay aside every weight, and the sin….  We have weights and sins that beset us.  We just do.  We are all sinners, right?  Then we better be finding what it is that we need to lay aside!  What weighs me down?  Anxiety, Pressures of life – mostly self-imposed, Fear – of the unknown, of what others think, of failure; Pride – thinking that everything revolves around me.  That’s just the tip of the iceberg!

I’ll be honest.  For years, I read that verse and thought to myself, “I really can’t think of anything that weighs me down.  I don’t really have any besetting sins.”  I was crazy!!  (I know, some of you already knew that about me!)  REALLY??  No sins weighing me down? 

I couldn’t see that I was being weighed down at all.  After all, life was pretty good.  I generally had everything working out for me.  (When I think about this, I go all the way back to when I was in high school, because that really shaped how I approached life.)  I made good grades.  I was pretty good at sports and cheerleading.  I didn’t get into trouble.  I knew all the right answers.  I went off to college.  I had to work a little harder, but everything went along smoothly.  I met my husband within 24hrs of being on campus (of course, I had no idea that he was going to be my husband).  I graduated; got married a year later; got a corporate job and moved up quickly….life was humming right along.  I was handling life just fine.  Of course, God was there too, but I think I thought of Him more as “along for the ride” rather than my actual mode of transportation.

THEN…premature baby, juggling baby and working full-time, baby #2, now juggling 2 children and working full-time, began working part-time (took a HUGE cut in salary), now financial pressures are there that I didn’t have before, baby #3 (unexpected pregnancy, another premature delivery)…..these are just a few major highlights.  My point is this:  Difficult circumstances began to expose my weaknesses – my weights and besetting sins.  There is only so much that I can do on my own.  I am so much better off when I am totally dependent on God and His plan, rather than trying to handle it on my own.

How to handle these weaknesses?  These weights and sins that beset us?

Stay tuned…

Bless Your Gizzard!

If you are familiar with Beneth Jones, you know that she loves to "Bless your gizzard!"  Today we had our annual ladies’ conference at our church, and she was our speaker.  I always enjoy her because she is just so down-to-earth.  Our schedule included three main sessions—the first and last by Beneth (I’m not being disrespectful—she insisted that we use her first name. J ).  The middle session included testimonies by another lady in our church and me.

As Beneth talked during that first session, I sat there amazed--God is so amazing!!  Everything she was saying was tying directly to what I had planned to say today.  I was giddy on the inside—I love it when God’s direction is so glaringly evident!  THEN Sharon gave her testimony—she used some of the same verses that I had planned to use!  I was just overwhelmed at how God had divinely directed our thoughts so that everything tied so perfectly together!  Although the overall content was very different, the same biblical principles were woven throughout.

 

I won’t re-tell everything here.  I just wanted to briefly share that I was encouraged today.  It's always good to be reminded that we are not alone in our struggles. 

I received a blessing….and so did my gizzard!  J

He Knows Our Days

A lot has happened in our family over the past couple of weeks!  My youngest sister gave birth to her first baby on Feb 6….her due date was in late April.  I have to admit, when I first heard that she was beginning to experience symptoms of preeclampsia, my first thought was “WHY??”  Having experienced preeclampsia and premature delivery twice, I knew what was in store for her.  My very next thought was, “God knows.” 

For the past week, I’ve been meditating on Psalm 139.

1 O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. 5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. 7 Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? 8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! 9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," 12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you

These verses are such a comfort!  We can rest completely in the knowledge that God knows everything about us and our circumstances.  Even in our loneliest, most distressing times, He is there!

The next verses are: 

13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

These verses remind us that we are uniquely made by God.  I’ve read them hundreds of times, but this week something just jumped out at me.  Verse 16 says, “…in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”  All the other times that I’ve read this verse, I think, “Yes, God knows my days.  He knows how long I’ll live.”  What I never thought about before was, “God knows my days….He knows when they’ll begin.” 

Premature birth is not a mistake.  God’s plan for my boys, my precious, tiny niece, and so many others that I know was that they be born early—that is, earlier than normal.  I don’t know why.  We may never know, but I do know this:  God is sovereign.  God is good.  God is my Father, and He wants to give me good gifts.  God’s grace is sufficient for every circumstance.  His way is perfect.  These are the promises that I cling to daily.  Some days the circumstances are more difficult than others, but God is the same all the time. 

I don’t know why God chose our family - of my parents’ four grandchildren, three of them have been born prematurely, and my niece’s only cousin on her dad’s side was born last July, also prematurely.

I do know that I can speak for all of us when I say that we want God to be glorified.